I turned 25 this year and I swear it wasn't peer pressure or anything. But boy, do I feel depressed at the thought of turning 25. I call it the quarter life crisis. Although, friends consistently remind me that I may not live to age 100.

Whatever it is. It has to be just me. Being 25 and still clueless about life. Being laid off and having a nonexistent career. The clock is ticking and everyone but me seems to be getting married every six seconds.

And you know what? Five years ago I would scorn at girls whose main goal in life was to get married and have kids.

The Candy Tay today is a totally different person. Oh yeah. Two years of working in an office has completely changed my outlook on life.

And I am not afraid to admit it. Not afraid to say that I, like most girls, do want to get married. I would love for someone to take care of me, because frankly speaking, I am tired of taking care of myself. I am tired of working just to pay the bills. I am tired, just plain tired of being alone.

I guess no matter how strong I appear, deep down I am just an ordinary girl. A girl who wants to be loved. Who wants to be cared for. Who has someone to freaken buy me that Gucci wallet that I so can NOT afford, dammit.

Anyway, my 29 year old friend. I shall not name names. And I hope she never sees this blog. And even if she never sees this, I dont know if I should even say this....

... but seeing her at age 29, still single and unlucky in love; most of her friends are married and/or have kids... this scares me. I do not want to be in her shoes. Watching her feel stressed out, and constantly feeling the pressure from the society, family, friends and from herself. Gosh.

And you know what? I'm not the only one. Otherwise, why would movies like Sex and the City be such a big hit? Even my friends whom I would never imagine to be so insecure and to dread being single and hitting the big 3-0 are feeling the bite. And these are beautiful girls that I'm talking about. Even guys I know are worried that they may never find The One. Lol!!

The most amusing part of this all is, when we were in high school - young, bright and naive - we were stressing out on what we wanted to be when we grew up. We all innocently believed that we would get married eventually, settle down and have kids. I remember a conversation I had with my friends. We were wondering who amongst us would be the first to get married. Oh, how we took it for granted.

Eight years later... (yes, it's been eight years since I graduated from high school). Eight years later, we were stressing over our struggles of finding our significant other and settling down. Sharing our own Bridget Jones' Diaries.

Never in a million light years would it ever occur to our 17 year old selves that maybe, just maybe, we would end up single and alone for the rest of our lives. It seemed so natural. And we all assumed that it was a given that we would find our other half. That it would be as easy as picking an apple out of a basketful of oranges.

I guess this is what life is about. That we make mistakes and learn from them. And that was what we learnt.

To learn that finding your soulmate was one of the most difficult challenges in life, ever.

To learn that sometimes if you put your heart and soul to love someone, it may just be in vain.

To learn that love hurts.

And also...

To learn to stand up when you fall.

To learn never to give up.

To learn that a closed door opens many new doors.

To learn to that every sad, bad and heartbroken memory makes us who we are today.

To learn that every sad, bad and heartbroken memory is usually forgotten and we only remember the good times.

Lol. I guess at the end of the day, life goes on. Single or married. Divorced or widowed. Life still goes on. I won't give up on love. No matter what I've said. No matter what happens. I still have faith in love.

Smiles.

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