Feeling restless at the moment. Noone I really wanna talk to is online. Called the one person I talk to the most these days and got a terrible reception. Don't know who else to call at this time. Suddenly feel so bored. So restless. So lonely.

Have been feeling kinda lost lately. Sorry to the people that I've been whining too alot about this subject lol. Forgive me for my lack of optimism and thank you for bearing with my constant words of dejection. My neverending ramblings on achieving various dreams, venturing different paths, attempting to discover where my passion lies - only to return to square one at the end of it all.

Lol. Its been awhile since I sincerely wrote how I felt and thought from the bottom of my heart in my blog. Maybe I was consoled by the fact that I now only have an average of four readers that enters this site daily, with 2 of them probably being me. haha. funny.

So much has happened these few months. So much.

Life has taken a 180 degree turn from where it was three months ago. Its hard to imagine that merely three months ago I was contented with my life. Yes, I had announced to anyone who would listen that I was truly a happy girl.

Funny.

I hardly feel like a girl, let alone a happy one. Somehow I feel as if I have truly transitioned into the adult world where problems and everything else is a harsh reality. Where I am considered foolish to hold on to idealistic hopes and dreams. Where I can no longer do what I wish. Where change is inevitable. Where you are faced with dozens and dozens of important choices to make.

Sigh.

And I thought I had problems when I was 14.

I don't like this change. This change in my life, this change in my self, this change in emotions. This uncertainty is driving me nuts. What should I do??

I am truly dreading going back to Vancouver. For various reasons. Many reasons.

I wish I can just stay at home in the shelter of my beloved parents. And not have to think of what my next step is.

I know. This is really immature of me. Trying to hang on to my childhood for dear life... or what's left of it anyway. Refusing to grow up. To be an adult.

Maybe that's the problem. This.. lost feeling. This pessimism. This person that I am suddenly becoming. So that I can continue giving myself excuses to linger on to what I have known all my life, to everything that has been so familiar to me.

Bah.. I don't know what I'm talking about.

Recent Entries:

New Blog! - Thursday, Aug. 20, 2009
Mon Bella - Tuesday, August 18, 2009
18 more days.. and counting.. - Monday, Aug. 10, 2009
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Random entry.... - Thursday, Aug. 06, 2009