I wonder if anybody even bother visiting this site anymore... lol. Please leave me a message on my tagboard if you see this! Just curious. hehe. (If youre spamming, please stay away. ><) lol!!

Anywhos, I've been back in Vancouver for... wow.. more than three months now.

I've been so preoccupied with ... having fun that, (yes, and I hate to admit it) I am still a bum. Still an unemployed fresh graduate (working f/t at the cafe doesnt count, right?).

I think that's the problem with Vancouver. It is TOO laid back!! And I don't even need a decent job to get me a decent life. Well, I think I'm pretty easy to please... hence, I'm feeling too comfortable with what I have now. Which is NOT GOOD.

What the hell is wrong with me? Why don't I have that drive to look for a real job that fresh grads are supposed to have?! I know that the answer lies within me. I know that I can't blame Vancouver for my laziness. I cant keep making excuses for being the slacker that I am.

Gosh. My future jst flashed right before me. Am I gonna be like this .... forever?!?! *gulps*

Funny thing is (well maybe not so funny after all), when I was a little girl, I imagined myself to be successful at what I do when I am an adult. Successful, beautiful (hey, everyone wants to be beautiful), with a bf who loves me, rich with a nice car and fancy house, etc.

Dont think my parents ever saw this coming.. their eldest daughter, the one whom they were so proud of, the one who got straight As in UPSR, PMR and (almost) in SPM. Top 10 in college with a Distinction.

Actually, come to think of it... there have always been signs of me being a slacker in school. Flunking in F4. Almost flunking in F3.. Sleeping during Add Maths since everybody couldnt talk to me because they wanted to pay attention. Leaving my assignments till the very last minute. I was never a perfectionist. Definitely not a high achiever. It didnt bother me the least bit that I wasn't the best. I was contented as long as I wasn't anywhere near the bottom.

Sigh..... This self analysing is depressing the shit out of me.

I know all I do is whine and I should jst stop whining my ass off, and do something about it. But hey, this is my blog right?

Till then, peace out.

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